Still Confused..

actually I don't know what's the feeling..
sad, angry, mad, happy, laughing or crying..
I wonder everything will be OK
I wish everything were the best
but I'm false
I never mind if some people do anything to me so badly
I'll easily forgive them and let them as usual
but when I opened the past page..
I wish I weren't me
I wish I could be more cruel
I wish I didn't forgive someone easily,

without my knowing, it makes me feel bad and down
I cried over all the night
I cried for peoples who never think about my feeling..
about theirs mistakes..

I always believe and keep hopping for them,
I wish they could be change
but there's a thing I should know since the beginning
"They are They"
Life still go on,
Life still heavy
and anything happened will not make them change into something I wish
I know, they have their own life, their own characters, their own happiness & sadness, but....


Don't you know?
Since you read this post, I never tell you the point of this post 'cause I don't know that point X'D
I just trapped on my own mind and couldn't find the way out

I wanna spend a day with crying and then sleeping with the fully relaxing feeling, but I wonder how could it be? what's the way?
If someone know how's the way, please tell me 'cause I really need this :')